Information to support families and friends who have been bereaved following a suicide or unexplained death.

Introduction

The loss of someone that you have been close to brings about intense grief and mourning. However, how you feel following a suicide or an unexplained death often differs from the feelings after other types of death. Your experience will be a very personal one and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

We have been told by people who have gone through such a bereavement that it would have been helpful to have information about practical matters and about the reactions and emotions that people may experience.

This page provides some very basic information and gives suggestions about where you might seek help if you need it.

The Herefordshire Coroner has stated that close family of the bereaved or their representatives are welcome to make contact if they have particular concerns, worries or queries. In the first instance it is suggested that contact be made with the Coroner’s Officer.

The Role of the Police

Depending on the circumstances the police have a duty to investigate unexplained deaths.

They need to be sure that they have contacted the appropriate person, so will visit the deceased person’s family and will make enquiries and ask for proof of the relationship with the deceased person

The police will want information to be sure that they have correctly identified the deceased person. This may require checking of dental records or DNA profiling

The police will want to establish who was the last person to see the deceased person and will take a statement. They may also take statements from others who have been involved or had contact.

If the deceased person has left a note, the police will let the person that the note was addressed to see the note and make a photocopy. That person will not be able to have the note until after the Inquest

The police inform the Coroner of all sudden deaths.

The Role of the Coroner

A coroner is usually a lawyer but in some cases may be a doctor. Coroners are independent judicial officers who have a responsibility to enquire into reported deaths. When there is an unexplained death, the Coroner will open an Inquest and there will be a requirement for a post mortem. A post mortem (or autopsy) is an examination of the body to establish the cause of death.

The Coroner will open and adjourn an Inquest. An Inquest is an inquiry into the facts surrounding a death and has to establish:

• The person’s identity
• When and where the person died
• The cause of death
• The circumstances of the death

The adjournment is to allow time for further enquiries to be made.
Inquests are generally held without a jury unless:

• The death occurred in prison or in police custody
• The death highlights Health and Safety concerns.

The deceased cannot be released for a funeral without the Coroner’s permission. The Coroner’s officer will advise you and will provide information to the registrar of deaths and to the funeral director of your choice.
A death certificate will not be provided until the Inquest is completed although an interim certificate can be provided to assist in sorting out the deceased person’s personal estate.
When the Coroner has all the information he needs, the Inquest will be re-opened - this can often be some months after the Inquest was first opened.

A report from the deceased person’s medical advisor is read out and sometimes information is included in this report that you may find difficult being made public. Generally the Coroner would be prepared to provide close family members with a copy of the medical report and, if you have particular concerns regarding the content you would be welcome to take those matters up with the Coroner prior to the Hearing.

It may be that you are asked to give a statement as to relevant facts regarding the deceased, either as to identification or as to matters relating to or leading up to death. It may be that you are called to attend and give evidence at the Inquest or it may be that any statement that you make can be read out – it is up to the Coroner as to whether you are called and/or whether your statement can be read. Whether or not you are called to attend an Inquest, you have the right to attend and may do so.

When the Inquest is completed you may obtain a copy of a tape recording of the Hearing but you may have to pay a fee. The Coroner’s Officer will provide advice and details and let you know what information you can get and what the fee will be.

It is important to ensure that if you have questions about the process of the Inquest or require information from reports that will be

presented you contact the Coroner’s Officer prior to the Inquest. This will help you prepare for the Inquest and will ensure that you have time to prepare questions that you want answering. Once the Inquest is completed you may access information but you will not be able to question the information presented.

Role of the Press/Media

All Inquests must be held in public and someone from the press is usually present in court.
Depending upon the circumstances the press may be interested at an early stage as well as at the Inquest so do think about preparing a planned statement so that you have some control over comments attributed to you.

Feelings

There is no right or wrong way to feel.

You may feel very little or nothing at all. You may have difficulty taking in what has happened. Everything may seem unreal.

You may find that you have painful pictures or intrusive memories of things that happened. You may dream about it. You may find yourself going over things again and again. You may need to know the detail of what happened and want to know why.

Feelings of anger are common. You may wonder “Why me?” “Why them?” “Why have they left me?” “Am I at fault?”

You may feel upset by an apparent lack of understanding from those around you or people in authority.

You may feel unsafe, vulnerable and fearful for the future.

You may feel guilty and wonder if you should have done more.

You may feel out of control of your feelings and this may make you feel embarrassed and ashamed.

You may not be as involved as you were in everyday activities perhaps because of loss of interest but possibly because of loss of confidence and you may feel very cut off or distant from people you are close to.

The sense of loss may be overwhelming and you may experience physical sensations such as:

• Tiredness
• Dizziness
• A racing heart and shakiness
• Difficulty in breathing
• Feeling sick and diarrhoea
• Headaches, neck and backache
• Sleep problems

If you experience any of these symptoms and they worry you, please contact your GP

How long will these reactions last?

This experience is a very personal one and there is no simple answer. Some people adjust more quickly than others. Your reactions can stay with you for quite a time in some form or another and what is often reported is that it will be longer than other people expect or think is “normal”

The reaction of others

For many people the support they get from family and friends is what helps get them through. However, there is still a stigma attached to suicide and you may find that some people are unable to talk with you about what has happened. They might avoid you and add to the sadness and isolation that you may be experiencing. Adjusting to what has happened is likely to be patchy and “one step forward, two steps backward” is often used to describe the healing process.

It is important not to hope for too much, too quickly. Events such as birthdays and anniversaries, special places that you visited , thinking that you have seen the deceased person and the overwhelming feeling of sadness that this person has died are powerful and painful.

This information was copiled by representatives of the following organisations :
Herefordshire Mental Health Services (Herefordshire Primary Care NHS Trust)
Hereford Accident and Emergency Dept (Hereford Hospitals NHS Trust)
Samaritans
Herefordshire User Group
Carers in Mind
West Mercia Probation Service.

Thanks also to HM Coroner for County of Herefordshire and West Mercia Police.

The information on these pages is available as a leaflet from :
Herefordshire Mental Health Services
Moor House
Widemarsh Common
Hereford HR4 9NA
Tel 01432 262850

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